How Tomatoes Started The Zombie Apocalypse

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I Googled "tomatoes and zombies" for this one. Nice.

Two things here folks, one good and one bad. First up, a mystery (to me) has been solved. Just like when I  don't brag about my awesome long black silky rope-like hair, or my naturally low body fat percentage, I'm not bragging when I tell ya that I had the opportunity, while growing up and growing vegiez in our (to a kid) too huge garden, to eat ripe tomatoes off the vine. That's it.

Tomatoes are fuckin' good right off the vine...because you are a kid and you are watering the mutha fuckin' rows and rows of tomatoes (besides all the other shit, err, food) under the fuckin' hot arse sun, while you hear the lucky white kids at the dirt bike track, like, 50 yards from our house screaming and crashing and luvin' it.) The second thing is that the latest tomato research will start that zombie apocalypse. That is all. Anyhoo...

I'm not kidding, sum-o-tha gardens I worked in were, like, 1/4 acre. Some.

As a full grown and mature adult male species here in 2012, I do try (a little, very little. I just look like this. Really) to eat right soz ya noz a guy hasta have some tomatoes in his diet, right. Wrong this time. The tomatoes at the supermarket might as well be tasteless apples, or tasteless rice flavor or something (I'm trying to combine something sorta plain tasting and, and...and tasteless). They suck...well, compared to young Kriss tasting tomatoes in the garden (1). But why (insert evil laugh here that echos and echos, and then ends in a coughing fit)?

Represent Asian brother. We can be just as zombie as a white person. There I said it..

This genius article that is named Why tomatoes taste bad: Science bla bla bla. It should be called Why ARE NOT Supermarket Tomatoes Just Are Like The Rest Of The Freekin' World Or Local Farmer's Market. Still, great article with all that science-y stuffs that Team Awesome (atheist, skeptic, LGBT, feminist, baddass, baddass twice) likes so much.

I'll cut right to it. Tomatoes are picked early so when they get to the store they are ripe, one of the indicators is the greenness while on the vine, that tells the farmer it's time, but a something something happens because the "master switch" has not been activated, and in reality after examining the science, the indicator of green really means stop and don't do that because because the master switch has not been turned on so chloroplasts can't happen therefore sugar can't happen and that is what makes the fruit taste good in the first place, therefore, you tomatoes sucks.

"The genes that SIGLK2 controls regulate the formation of chloroplasts, components of cells that control photosynthesis. A heavy concentration of chloroplasts in a tomato leads to a heavy shading of green, which is the quality plant breeders look to avoid. The problem is, chloroplasts also increase sugar levels in the tomato, and sugars play a key role in creating flavor. (Thanks Time Mag)."

OK that was the first part of the movie, now Zombie Apocalypsessssseesesssss'es. 

The end of the article says...


"Ironically, the investigators in the current study never got to taste the tomato and enjoy the results of their work. Safety regulations forbid researchers from sampling genetically modified foods until they are certified safe. That may happen in the future, but until then, plant scientists, like the rest of us, will be left to get by on supermarket tomatoes that may look a lot lovelier than the box they came in, but alas, taste pretty much the same."

Read more: http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,2118455,00.html#ixzz1zcIJVgPU
If that is not the start of that zombie apocalypse, then I dunno what is.

You can burn it as fuel for something or you can thro it in the garden as fertilizer then your slave child will break a little up everyday so the soil will be rich, while not damaging the plants at the same time.

(1) I tasted everything. Ya know, you can eat little tiny baby corn like one inch and one millimeter round, off the vine, just pick it, unwrap the baby corn husk and then you grub on a tiny sweet baby corn. nice.) while he shoulda been watering the garden (and deff. not chasing the geese with the water hose).



* Click the links it goes to the Time Magazine article. Good stuffs Maynard.

* What I'm hinting at is that wouldn't you try it if you were a scientist or spike someone's drinki with it, err, no, that's bad, mmmmm...I do wonder who would try it (evil laughter ensues and fades out....)...

* Toe-may-toe v. ve-get-able