The I'm Feeling Great (Mood Wise) Today News Roundup

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I'll never stop loving you...Philippines, but c'mon now. Fight back. FIGHT.

Oh, those crazy kids in the Muslim Bro-Hood and their stricter interpretation of that law that they always talk about...(le sigh) when will the madness end in Egypt. The latest is for the first time in 50 years the ladies that bring you the news can choose to cover their tantalizing and tempting heads. I'll just say it, under Mubarak it was more secular.

I Googled "egypt, fashion, 60's." Ohhhhh, those were the days (I wasn't there, but, yeazzzz).

If you happen to be in India and you are looking for mens clothing, then look now further than...wait, and you are a Nazi. So recap...looking for mens clothes, just happen to be in India and you are of the Nazi persuasion...then git yer arse down to the new store...Hitler. Ta daaaaa. Some crazy people are saying this shop will not work, and 100% of them are the, like, 3.5 Jewish peeps that are in that town. Unbeknownst to this atheist, the name Hitler is actually common in India. Go fuckin' figure.


I totally admit that I'am an asshole, fuck you. Anyways....I do get all schanedfreude-y when second comings of the messiah...die. No really, if you are the second coming, then what the fuck. Well it happened again this past weekend. The Rev. Moon passed away in a hospital due to complications from something common as pneumonia (which doesn't sound like the third coming of Christ-which is what he claimed to be). Let's be honest...dude was a cult leader, he bilked innocents for millions and he separated families. Doesn't sound very divine to me (1).

Am I crazy/wrong for saying that because of facial hair there are two tribes here. You know how God is very strict about stuff like that.

Hey remember the developmentally disabled little girl that *allegedly* burned pages from that Qu'ran that those brown sand people (not the ones from Star Wars, the ones in the Middle East) keep talking about, even tho she does not have the mental capacity to acknowledge what that book is or how to light a match (I made up that last part), well...Know the so called religious leader (Iman) that tattle-tailed on her has been arrested for making shit up and blasphemy. Wow, maybe there is karmic justice (naw, just kidding, the world is still unfair).

I personally don't give a shit that Rebecca was involved with illegal phone tapping...I heart her hair...

I'd fuck that. Helloooooo...

I'm calling the shot right here and right freekin' now peeps...no not myyyyy Phoney Niner's will win this years Super Bowl by a score of 3-2 (but fo sho that will happen), this is the call that we all will make reference to when the swhit goes down (exactly like I say it will), this is the call that will propel me to Prophet status, beeotches...the next war will be in South East Asia. Thank You and Good nite.

"Hey Chinks, get offa our island." "Hey Japs...we have a huge army."

OK, I'm back. Check it out, lovers. Japanese diplomats (not backed up by their puny army that no country is afraid of) went to go check the *disputed* islands that China is trying to steal. Let's see who is up in arms over this right now: Malaysia, Indonesia, I think Thailand, Japan and the Philippines. Here's the nutshell...China wants to steal some awesome islands that have hella resources and is surrounded by awesome blue water from all the countries mentioned and, err, that is it. Oh and everyone that has a Navy is shifting carriers and personal to the soon to be troubled area.

To me this means that America will be all up in my beautiful Philippines again, whether we ask for help of not, we won't be able to get rid of them and good ol' round eyed Joe will be imprego-ing the island ladies, starting their second families away from the states all on the lie of "Baby, I'll take us all to America when this war is over (can ya tell I'm not positive about this)."


Meanwhile, my beautiful Philippines...my people are ankle deep in mud because the Philippine islands are totally on this thing called the ring of fire (hella erff quakes), so that means tsunamis totally happen, the government doesn't stop illegal logging and mining so the natural buffers that could have protected the costal populations are non existent so once again those shiny brown poor island people...die.

In  personal news...this weekend I ran a sub one hour marathon and I only drank beer and smoked weed the whole time. UR welcome.

(1) On NPR this morning his daughter was interviewed. She has a new book out.

* I didn't do this on purpose and I didn't check but this entire news roundup come from todays edition of the mighty Al Jazeera. In my opinion the best and most comprehensive world news out there (and the ladies on TV are hella fine...hella).