Jesus, Da Play'ar

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Karin wouldn't lie to us...would she.

It is not etched in stone, just an allegedly super ancient papyrus, but some of the cool kid theologians, New Atheists, believers, those kookie Gnostics (I love those peeps, I really do) and other scholarly types are all excited about Jesus and his (alleged) girlfriend. Some like New Testament scholar N.T.Wright (yes, that NT Wright) has called bullshit on it already, the final review (I believe the Harvard Theological Society or something to that extent) is coming out soon and the Dan Brown-Heads are sayin' "I told you so." Me, I don't care. It's just one piece of paper with a few lines and it doesn't (yet) change anything (1).

Marry went to all of Jesus' concerts.

The 14 lines and 33 words have been deciphered and many look to number 4. Jesus said to them. My wife... as proof that dude was married. Me, believe it or not I'm not a textual critic, I do not know ancient Sumerian (I forgot the language before that, the one that Jesus probably spoke), Greek, Egyptian, hell, I don't even know english-I speak Californian, specifically the Northern variety. But that doesn't mean that I can't (or won't) read between those dirty nasty savior fuckin' lines.

1. ...not to me. My mother gave to me li(fe)...
   Obviously that is in reference to his brother asking if he had mom's credit card. After all, they were Jewish.

2. The disciples said to Jesus...
     Who  let the dogs out. You see they had been partying, you know, all that blood of Christ (wine).

That's a party of biblical proportions, yo.

3. ...deny. Mary is worthy of it.
     Bro's will be bro's. This is one of the disciples trying to tell Jesus, "Dam bro, you can do better than that (she's a fat bottom grrl). We have standards." deny is equivalent to today's "talk to the hand."

I don't see any ladies at your feet. STFU.

4. Jesus said to them, My wife...
     Not to many people know this but this was the first recorded version of the to be popular later, "Take my wife, please" joke. It didn't go over very well. He was too ahead of his time. But that's comedy.

5. ...she will be able to be my disciple...
     Modern translation...disciple=beeotch. Sorry ladies, feminism didn't come until 1,960 years later.

6. Let wicked people swell up...
     This is the most nasty one. Back in the  day they didn't say "that was sic ass shit" they said "wicked". I won't say what *swells* up...you know.

7. As for me, I dwell with her in order to...
     This is another "sorry ladies." But let's face it Jesus was 1/3 ghost-n-God, but don't forget 1/3 man so you know what that means. He did what all guys do which is settle for a relationship because he wanted the constant source of morning sex. He's just a guy like any other.

8. ...an image...
     This, obviously, is a reference to porn of the day. Obviously, right.



I certainly hope that it is true that Jesus was doin' it. I vote for the (not) prostitute Marry Madeleine. It is incorrect to say that she was a whore, that is what the male dominated clergy want you to think. She actually was well educated and came from a rich family, so you know what that means...

...Sugar momma...

(1) If conclusive evidence were to materialize that Jesus was doin' it with a wife type or girlfriend then yea, that would change modern Christianity as we know it. It would be right up there if conclusive evidence were to show that, yes indeed, a dude 1/3 man, God, ghost walked da erffs aprox 2,000 years ago. I'm just not holding my breadth.